


The Avengers Lip Sync Battle or: How JARVIS Trolled Tony and Loki into a Relationship

by LokasennaHiddleston



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, F/M, Humor, Jarvis is a troll, M/M, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Poor Phil, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Does What He Wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:52:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6630319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokasennaHiddleston/pseuds/LokasennaHiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony agreed to this Avengers gig, he did not expect having to house a God of Mischief. He also didn't expect that Captain America's Epic Disappointed Face would somehow lead to Coulson lip sync-ing Toxic in Tony's living room, and that somehow, Loki would end up convincing all of them to join in a lip sync battle.<br/>Adding JARVIS's trolling ways and matchmaking schemes--and this is going to be quite a ride. Sometimes, Tony loves his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Avengers Lip Sync Battle or: How JARVIS Trolled Tony and Loki into a Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering how this happened, you're missing out. Make sure you Google search Clark Gregg Lip Sync battle. Yes, that's actually a thing. Also, for the purpose of this story, we'll pretend Clint isn't married.  
> Any comments and feedback much appreciated! For the best result, make sure you watch the mentioned videos too :P

It started, weirdly enough, with Steve.

These days, when something crazy happened around the Tower, the culprits were, in order of likelihood: Loki, Tony or Clint—or sometimes combinations, between the three of them, or other Avengers. Clint and Natasha were as deadly a team in prank wars as they were in battle, but Loki and Thor made a shockingly good team once they had a clear goal in mind. If Tony got into it, it was bound to escalate, especially since he had JARVIS on his side. And if Tony and Loki teamed up, people knew to get out of the way.

Steve often acted as the voice of reason. But as Bucky often stated, he'd been quite a punk when he'd been a skinny kid from Brooklyn.

So really—before the prank wars were even a thing, before they even got comfortable together as a team, it started with Steve, and with Agent Coulson.

It was only recently that the Avengers had found out Coulson was not in fact dead. Tony still had no idea how that knowledge had been kept from the wide-spread info-dump Natasha had made when SHIELD had fallen, but somehow, they'd missed it—even then.

It was only when Thor had returned, with his supervillain brother in tow, that they'd found out the truth. Clint had predictably not cared about Thor's claim that Loki had been brainwashed too and had accused Loki of murdering Coulson.

Loki had given Thor a confused look. "Thor. Do your shield-brothers not know that the Son of Coul is alive and well?"

Fast forward a few weeks, some frantic searching, assurances that Loki was indeed telling the truth, and Coulson had finally popped up at the Tower. There had been a lot of shouting, daggers (Natasha) and arrows (Clint) being thrown around and Coulson standing as unruffled as ever as he faced the onslaught.

And then, Steve had stepped up and said, "Agent Coulson, you should have told us."

He'd brought out the big guns—the wide blue eyes and the puppy-dog look—and Coulson had folded like a wet napkin. "There were... good reasons why I had to keep my distance, Captain," he stammered.

Steve shook his head. "Not good enough."

Later, Tony would not be able to tell how, but somehow, between Steve's Epic Disappointed Face, Clint's wounded bird eyes and Loki's poking and prodding, they managed to corner Coulson. And Tony had had the poor inspiration to introduce Steve to Lip Sync battle—in his ongoing quest to acclimate Captain Spandex to modern times.

So that was how Tony ended up witnessing Agent Coulson, dressed in a blue leather—very revealing—outfit, lip syncing Toxic, by Britney Spears.

"Make sure you're recording this, JARV," he said, hypnotized by the "what has been seen cannot be unseen" spectacle in front of him.

"Naturally, Sir," JARVIS replied a little gleefully. He still wasn't very happy with Coulson for messing with his systems whenever the hell he pleased.

Coulson tried, but while he was hiding a fair amount of muscle underneath those MIB suits... Well, let's just say that he should have stuck to the suits. To be fair, Tony doubted he himself could have pulled off that outfit, although he might have done better at wriggling his non-existent breasts.

"A mighty effort, son of Coul!" Thor boomed as soon as Coulson was done dancing. "You have made your ancestors proud!"

Tony had reached the conclusion that Thor could be a troll, especially when exposed to Loki for a long period of time. Coulson obviously knew this too, because he gave Thor an unimpressed look. "Thank you, Thor. I appreciate it."

"Would like to see you do better," Clint said, leaping to his handler's defense.

"O-ho, a challenge!" Thor lifted his hammer in a gesture that made Tony worry that he'd blow something up soon. "Brother! A challenge!"

"Yes, I see that, Thor," Loki replied, a small smirk on his lips. "I propose a contest. Since the Son of Coul has danced, perhaps we should all do it."

Bruce tried to bow out, but Tony ambushed him before he could flee. "Think of it this way, Bruce," he whispered in his science bro's ear. "Whatever we do, it can't possibly be worse than Coulson."

Bruce gave him an unconvinced look, cleaned his glasses nervously—but stayed. Tony wouldn't force him if he really didn't want to do it, but neither did he want to exclude Bruce out of something that had the potential of being hilarious.

As it turned out, Bruce chose not to participate in the actual contest—but he was the one who picked the songs for everybody else. Or, that was the "official" rule, because in fact, he teamed up with JARVIS. This both terrified Tony and filled him with glee, because JARVIS was a sarcastic little shit and he was liable to use his considerable expertise to embarrass them all. He was also very good at getting what he wanted—a product of long-time experience wrangling results out of his stubborn and sometimes self-destructive creator, so Tony had no doubt that JARVIS would be the main driving force behind their lip sync battle.

JARVIS did not disappoint. He was also an even bigger troll than expected.

Tony didn't know what the others got and wouldn't—not until the actual battle at least—but on his side, JARVIS assigned him Poker Face. It was fortunate that he received the notification when he was alone, in the lab.

"Lady Gaga?" he whined at JARVIS.

"Doctor Banner's idea," JARVIS explained. "He wants to see if it can get worse that Agent Coulson."

"Traitors, both of you," Tony mumbled. But eh, he'd never shied away from a challenge and at least he could make a tight spandex suit look good. He was already a step up from Coulson.

"Looks like I'll be brushing up on my dancing skills."

****

For the purpose of the lip sync battle, they temporarily relocated to Stark mansion. There was room aplenty in the Tower, but the mansion had several ballrooms courtesy of his mother's many galas. These days, the house was, in fact, only in use for parties at the Maria Stark foundation, but it would serve well enough for their lip sync battle ground.

JARVIS had been instructed to provide each of the contenders with everything they needed, including costumes, music, equipment, and so on. Additional cast was allowed—preferably from the Avengers circle of friends.

The first one on the lip sync battle ground was Thor. He'd gotten It's Raining Men, the Halliwell version. Tony stared in disbelief as he watched the muscular form twirl and contort.

For a big guy, Thor was pretty bendy, and he seemed to have no problem with wearing what amounted to a bikini and a tank top. "He got off easily," Loki said, wrinkling his nose. "I've put him through far worse."

And of course he had. Growing up with the God of Mischief probably made Thor immune to embarrassment. Not that there was anything to be embarrassed about. Tony made a mental note to send the recording to Jane, because there was a lot of potential here that Jane might be missing.

Also, Darcy would probably get a huge kick out of it. In fact, they'd have likely wanted to join in on the fun, but they were still doing research over the side-effects of the Convergence, so they weren't always around.

His favorite moment was probably when Thor kissed Loki on the cheek. Loki's expression was hilarious, but he didn't do anything about it. And of course, at the end of the song, JARVIS turned the sprinklers on, and there was something to be said about watching the God of Thunder dance in the rain.

Yep, definitely sending this one to Jane.

When Thor was finished, he brushed his wet hair out of his face and bounded to the Avengers, who waited under a shield created by Loki. "Well done, brother," Loki said. "If Thyrm had been here, you'd have surely fooled him."

"Indeed! Although my disguise was nowhere near as clever this time around."

Tony scanned his memory for what Thor and Loki were talking about and gave the two Asgardians a look of disbelief. "Wait, you mean that story is true?"

It was always a bit of a gamble with the Norse myths. More often than not, the stories were complete bullshit. But on occasion, there was one that was truthful, and apparently, Thor had, in fact, at one point, been involved in a cross-dressing incident when his hammer had been stolen.

Between listening to the story, they relocated to another room—which Cap and Bucky had picked for their own performance. The water from the sprinklers made the previous one unusable, and they hadn't wanted to involve staff or wait too long between performances, so they were just moving around, for expedience.

There was a brief respite between each lip sync so the next contender could get ready and still witness the ones before them, so Tony and the others had to wait a little bit, but it was worth it. Since they were the only ones on the team that were a couple, JARVIS—secretly a softie—had given them a song together. But that was where the permissiveness ended, because the two of them got to lip sync Caramelldansen.

It was harder than the animated Swedish figurines made it look. Tony hid behind Loki a couple of times just so that he could cackle unseen.

To be fair, the super-soldiers made the weird dance work and the hip swaying got weirdly hypnotizing at one point. But it was still funny. How could it not be? Steve and Bucky were dressed in Lolita versions of their costumes. And while there were possibly fetishists out there who'd sell their souls for these shots, Tony was mostly in "how is this my life, bless you JARVIS," mode.

Natasha came after them. And Tony had genuinely thought Natasha could make anything work.

He decided this entire Avenger gig was worth it solely for the sight of the Black Widow doing Gangnam Style. She had enlisted Bruce as a side-kick and he had apparently agreed. Tony would have said it was cheating, but who the hell even cared? It was nice to see Bruce unwind, if only because he was doing the hip thrust move in a damn Kpop song.

The part of Tony that was Bruce's friend hoped that this would help Bruce get over his hang ups and finally shove him into asking Natasha out. They had a thing, he and Nat, but it wasn't actually going anywhere, because of Bruce's ongoing issues with the Hulk. This would definitely be good for them.

Of course, Tony also had a part that was quite possibly five year old and completely lacked any kind of self-preservation, because he ended up cheering, "Ride that invisible horse, Nat". He'd probably pay for that in some subtle way later, but he couldn't help himself.

One thing was certain. This stuff was forever going into his cell phone as his contact images for the Avengers. Nat dressed up as Psy was pure gold.

When Natasha was done, it was Tony's turn. And Tony had gotten prepared. For the purpose of his number, they relocated in front of the pool.

Tony didn't have pets, but for this particular event, he'd brought out DUM-E and U to serve as his replacement dalmatians. And of course, the armors stood in for the rest of the cast.

He felt slightly ridiculous as he emerged from the pool wet, but he'd done crazier things in his life. He hadn't worn high heels in ages and those stilettos of Gaga's were insane, but fortunately, he'd practiced and his balance didn't fail him. It was definitely a call back to his wild days pre-Iron Man, but he threw himself into it, and it was really kind of fun. He'd have probably laughed too if he'd been watching someone else make the armors "kiss" up his or her arm, but when in Rome...

And hey, it was all worth it, because in the end, when the song was done, Loki grinned at him and said, "You look good in leather, Stark."

"Thanks, Reindeer Games. Coming from you, that's a pretty big compliment."

Loki's eyes glinted with interest, and something sparked inside Tony. He really shouldn't be considering it. The other Avengers were right there and they definitely would hate him for it. Even if they agreed Loki wasn't their enemy, that didn't necessarily mean they were comfortable with it.

But when had Tony ever cared about what other people thought? Hadn't Natasha said it once? Volatile, self-obsessed, doesn't play well with others. And maybe that was true, because in that moment, Tony decided he really didn't care what anyone else thought. If Loki was on board, he'd pursue this.

The moment broke out of necessity. Tony had been so distracted by his conversation with Loki that he'd completely missed the fact that Clint had left and it was now his turn.

They left the pool and headed back inside, into the rec room. Tony didn't even remember when a bowling alley had been installed down here, but there it was, and Clint was putting it to good use.

Clint had been a circus archer, so like Thor, he was immune to embarrassment. And so, it wasn't necessarily a surprise when it turned out that JARVIS and Bruce had picked something entirely ridiculous for him.

Seeing Clint dressed as a young version of Justin Bieber, Tony couldn't help but say, "I love my life."

It was a little more disturbing to realize that Clint had recruited Agent Agent as his partner for the song. Was that a thing? How had Tony not known that was a thing?

Maybe it was just a case of _be careful what you wish for_ , because once again, he was going in a "cannot be unseen territory."

Yep, definitely, Barton crooning at Agent and calling him "baby" went in that category—although, at the same time, it did put Clint's anger over the whole not-dead thing into perspective.

All things considered, Tony looked forward to Loki's performance. JARVIS had saved him for last, and it was a good thing he had, because otherwise, Tony might have been unable to go through with his own lip sync session.

When the first notes of the song started, Tony made a mental note to give JARVIS an upgrade. Or maybe not, because JARVIS clearly didn't need it. Loki had been given For Your Entertainment.

Nobody but JARVIS knew about Tony's secret crush on the God of Mischief. It had started to plague him shortly after the Battle of New York, and while he had kept it in check during his relationship with Pepper, once they'd fallen apart, it had become so much worse. And now that Loki had moved in... Well, suffice to say pretty much all of Tony's jerk-off fantasies these days were focused on Loki.

But none of those fantasies prepared him for the view of Loki dancing to Adam Lambert. He was like a vision from Tony's kinkier S &M dreams. He didn't need extras. He had obviously had the same idea as Tony, only he had his nifty magic, so he just summoned clones of himself to run their hands over him—and oh, sweet Jesus, Tony had died and gone to heaven. Some of the clones were women, but Tony wasn't confused for a second, because they had the same green eyes and the same wicked smile. During the invasion, he'd only seen the clones stand around and look impressive, but they were obviously autonomous and could do far more.

Tony desperately wished he'd changed out of his Gaga outfit, because in the tight spandex, there was no way to hide his interest. Oh, well. In for a penny, in for a pound. He'd never been ashamed of his desires, and hey, if he'd read Loki well earlier, maybe it wasn't as hopeless as he'd thought.

He must have gotten things right, because one of the female clones grabbed Tony's hand and pulled him in. Upon examining footage from the battle, Tony had figured the clones were mostly light manipulation, but apparently that wasn't true this time around, because the clone's hand felt real in his own, not warm—Loki was never really warm—but very real.

"Well, Man of Iron?" Loki whispered. "Would you like me to entertain you?"

"You know, that would sound corny if it came from anyone but you. And I'm game for whatever you want, gorgeous."

"Anything?" Loki purred. Around them, the clones took their cue from the lead Loki and knelt.

"Oh, baby. If kneeling is your thing, I'd gladly do it for you. I'm sure you can make it worth my while."

He didn't say that the "anything" didn't include schemes of global domination. At this point, he was fairly confident that Loki knew. Besides, it wasn't like Loki had ever actually wanted to rule Earth. That had been Thanos's poison, the cube and the damn scepter.

Loki looked pleased at the reply. "Most definitely, Anthony. I always know how to give the people who turn to me what they need."

Tony didn't bother trying to disguise his shiver. He was, in fact, convinced that Loki could give him everything he needed—and more.

Loki swirled him around, and Tony pivoted out of the embrace of the female clone, into that of a male Loki. Tony took it in stride—or at least, did his best to do so. He was kind of worried that any moment now, the heels would finally enact their revenge and he'd fall on his ass.

Maybe he would have already fallen if Loki hadn't been holding him so tightly. And it would have been so easy to lean in and steal a kiss, but sadly, that wasn't part of the show. The clone swirled him away and Tony landed safely in Steve's arms.

When he managed to steady himself, Tony noted Steve was very red, so much so that the color in his cheeks matched the ruffles of his skirt. Bucky just arched a brow at him. "Well, that explains a lot."

Tony had no idea what him drooling over the resident God of Mischief explained, but Steve wasn't using the Epic Disappointed Face and Clint hadn't exploded in a rant about Tony's terrible life choices, so he counted it as a win.

He steadied himself on his obscenely high stilettos and focused on Loki again. He had never thought he'd be jealous of a snake that was obviously a manifestation of Loki's magic, but apparently, when Loki was involved, Tony's logic went out the window.

Also—blindfolds. Tony hadn't been much for blindfolding since Afghanistan, for obvious reasons, but the sight of the clone with the silk blindfold really appealed to him. Maybe it was time to reassess some things.

Finally, the song ended. Loki struck the floor one last time with the cane he'd been swirling around, and the clones vanished.

Thor cheered. "Most excellent, brother."

"I'd ask why Loki got Adam Lambert and I got Bieber, but the answer's pretty obvious at his point."

Clint eyed Tony and Tony just arched a brow back. He didn't often go into just how much agency JARVIS had—since the answer would have probably unsettled the rest of the Avengers, Bruce excluded. "Blame Bruce," he said. "He was the one behind the song selection."

Bruce, as it turned out, was nowhere to be found. "Where did Bruce and Nat go?"

"I believe Ms. Romanov finally lost her patience and took the bull by the horns, so to speak," JARVIS said from one of the armors.

Well, then. It seemed JARVIS had been multi-tasking. Awesome.

Everyone pretty much scattered after that. Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and dragged him off... somewhere, and Clint did the same with Coulson. Thor gave Loki a pleading look, and Loki rolled his eyes and disappeared with his brother.

Tony experienced a moment of disorientation and dread, and then, Loki was back. "He wanted to meet with his Lady Jane, and it was fastest through my seidr."

This left Tony and Loki alone, and Tony realized with a startled jolt, that it was actually the first time this had happened since Loki had thrown him out the window. Other than that meeting the day of the invasion, there had always been someone around. Since their return, Thor was pretty much always around Loki, which Tony suspected was largely because Loki had been feared dead for a long time. When Thor wasn't present, it was Bruce or somebody else.

It wasn't awkward, but it was a little tense. Fortunately, Loki was apparently not the type of guy to shy away from that.

"So, tell me, Anthony... Did you mean what you said during the performance?"

Tony opened his mouth to reply, but he never got the chance. He must have shifted slightly on his feet, because his heels finally decided they'd had enough torture and one of them snapped.

Tony stumbled—and he'd have been embarrassed, but once again, he landed in Loki's arms.

"I'd say we should stop meeting like this, but I really think we shouldn't."

Loki smirked. And while Tony hadn't actually said "Yes" or "No" to his question, Loki still got the message loud and clear. He kissed Tony, and Tony's eyes drifted shut as he melted into it.

The air around him shifted, and the next thing he knew, he was landing in his bed, back at the Tower. Loki stalked toward him, his eyes glinting with threat and with promise. And as it turned out, JARVIS's choice of a song proved to be not only fortunate, but eerily accurate, because Loki definitely hurt Tony—in the best ways.

He didn't tie Tony down, and he didn't blindfold him, but he didn't have to. The clones made their reappearance, and Tony became a willing slave of the God of Mischief, simply by virtue of the fact that his brain went into sensual overload.

His clothes were suddenly gone, and there was no place on his body that Loki didn't touch. Even as Loki pressed their mouths together, another mouth was engulfing Tony's cock—and seriously, how did that even work? If Tony had been able to think, he'd have been debating how the hell that was possible, but as it was, he was too busy being taken apart by Loki to care even about the fact that the laws of physics were being broken in front of him.

There were more kisses, more touches, and at one point, Tony was flipped on his belly, and suddenly, Loki's fingers were inside him, slender and elegant, leaving pleasant tingles behind, like a pianist working him from the inside out. Tony felt his body relax, knew Loki was most likely using magic, and he appreciated it tremendously, because it had been a while since he'd taken a man as a lover.

Of course, none of his male lovers could possibly compare to Loki, and by the time Loki deemed him ready, Tony was already an incoherent mess. And then there were two cocks inside him, and oh, hell, this was everything he had wanted and so much more. Yes, it hurt, but it was a good pain, making him feel alive, while at the same time keeping him anchored in the moment.

That was actually a pretty big deal, since Tony had never quite found true satisfaction in bed. His mind worked too quickly and half the time, he ended up redesigning specs for his inventions even as he kissed whatever beautiful person was in his bed. His mind found a moment of peace when he came, but it never lasted. The closest he'd come to something real and satisfying had been Pepper, simply because he had loved her, but it had never been like this, so all-consuming.

It was plainly put, impossible to think about anything else—Loki would not allow it. For the first time in forever, Tony's brain cleared of numbers, code and percentages, and all he knew was the pleasure, burning through him, all over him.

When he finally came, it was so powerful that he literally blacked out. And when Tony snapped out of his haze, he thought that maybe it would have made sense that Loki would take advantage of that to leave.

But Loki stayed, and they they lay together on the bed, catching their breaths. The clones were gone—and it was just the two of them, in comfortable silence, with Loki spooning Tony from behind.

Naturally, Tony broke the quiet first, because he couldn't not do it."I still haven't figured out who won the lip sync contest."

Loki hummed thoughtfully as he kissed Tony's neck. "I was personally partial to your performance, but then, I am biased."

Tony grinned into the darkness. "I actually can't decide. I thought Captain America was pretty good, but I was pretty distracted during the last one, so..."

He didn't get the chance to finish the phrase, because Loki turned him around and kissed him again—and Tony forgot all about conversation.

They did eventually decide who had won—but that was an entirely different story.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I did not actually watch Lip Sync battle, but amusingly enough I picked Poker Face for Tony before I even saw what Hayley Atwell had to do. Anyway, I may not be accurate in what Lip Sync Battle entails, but hey, it's all in good fun :D  
> Also, which Lip Sync was your favorite? Who do you think won?


End file.
